Photo: lori / dobro.press
For some children, the start of the school year is a time of joyful reunions with friends; for others, it is a period of stress, fatigue, and new fears.
The transition to first, fifth, or tenth grade is particularly challenging, as not only does the academic workload change, but so does the child’s relationship with school itself. Child psychologists Tatiana Kozman and Irina Dvornina point out an important detail: it’s not just the child who has to adapt to school. The familiar rhythm of the entire family changes—wake-up times, bedtimes, parents’ work schedules, extracurricular activities, household chores, and social interactions.
“A parent is a safe haven, not a controller”
At the same time, a student’s emotional state cannot be assessed solely by their willingness to go to school or by their grades. Sometimes a child who appears calm on the outside may be experiencing significant stress, and sometimes crying, irritability, or a reluctance to participate in class are normal reactions to a new situation.
According to Tatiana Kozman, the first weeks of the school year are inevitably accompanied by a certain amount of emotional stress. This does not necessarily indicate an anxiety disorder or a serious psychological problem. A child needs time to get used to a new routine, new people, new expectations, and a new workload.
“Whether it’s grandparents, nannies, uncles, or aunts, they’ll face this too. That’s why we’re maintaining—and trying to maintain—the mental health of all family members. As for the child, during the first weeks of the school year—the so-called ‘adjustment’ period—the child experiences some shock or emotional stress. It can be positive or negative. Some children are simply taking in the whole process, but these first few weeks will definitely leave no one indifferent. “And this state of emotional tension is a common, standard, normal emotional state that you need to endure—that is, wait it out for a while, take a closer look, and observe the child’s behavior,” says Tatiana Kozman.
The Importance of Routine
This is especially important for parents who may start to perceive any change in behavior as a cause for alarm. The psychologist suggests focusing first and foremost on the child’s basic needs—sleep and nutrition:
“If these have changed significantly—if the child is sleeping poorly, having nightmares, or if their eating habits have changed drastically or in some way—then for us as parents, this is a sign that the emotional stress is already exceeding their psychological capacity. The child needs help.”
Psychologist and psychotherapist Irina Dvornina also emphasizes that returning to school after summer break is, in itself, a major adjustment. Early mornings, the commute to school, classes, homework, and extracurricular activities all return. At the same time, the child is once again confronted with a social environment in which they must find their place.
“To make the adjustment process easier, parents should reestablish a sleep schedule in advance (a younger elementary school student should get at least 8–9 hours of sleep, and high school students should get at least 7–8 hours as well—though that’s a separate topic). It’s important to agree on academic goals and expectations for other activities, such as sports or language courses… You should explain to the child why a certain level of performance is expected of them and offer help if they need it. Children shouldn’t have the impression that “Mom only cares about my grades, and I don’t matter.” A parent is a source of support, a safe haven, not a strict overseer,” says Dvornina.
Irina Dvornina
“Don’t Scare Children with Schoolwork”
This idea is particularly relevant in the 2026–27 school year, when Moldova will once again change its fourth-grade grading system: Starting September 1, 2026, the 10-point grading scale will return for exam subjects, replacing the descriptive grades of “very good,” “good,” and “satisfactory.” For some families, this may become yet another cause for concern regarding academic performance. However, from a psychological standpoint, it is important not to let the change in the grading system become an additional source of pressure.
Another important aspect is interaction with peers—which isn’t always easy to understand or pleasant—as well as the fear of rejection and, at times, the fear of teachers and the judgment of others. For particularly sensitive children, all these triggers can even lead to physical reactions—headaches, stomachaches, and poor sleep.
“Don’t scare them with schoolwork; ask not only about grades, but also about what was new, most difficult, or most fun that day, and how the child interacted with classmates… It’s even more complicated with first-graders,” the psychologist explains.
At the same time, according to Kozman’s observations, for most students, the first few weeks aren’t necessarily associated with anxiety. After vacation, children often return to school primarily for social reasons: to see friends, chat, and be part of a group again:
“Teachers and parents need to understand that this is a completely normal state after the break, when everyone has missed socializing, but few have missed the academic workload. Academic motivation will also improve depending on how positive social interactions with both teachers and classmates turn out to be. I suspect that, for the most part, children do not experience anxiety during the first few weeks of the school year. If anything, this is more characteristic of adults’ emotional state. The start of the school year brings some anxiety: how will it begin, and how will it go? We observe how the child behaves in terms of basic needs such as sleep and nutrition—if everything is normal, then we classify their state as favorable, and their adjustment to the new school year has gone smoothly.”
According to the psychologist, academic motivation will gradually return—in part depending on how comfortable the child’s relationships with teachers and peers turn out to be.
On financial matters…
A child’s ability to cope with the academic workload is also influenced by the broader social context. Several years ago, the Program for International Student Assessment (PISA) conducted a study in Moldova. The PISA results showed a significant correlation between a family’s socioeconomic status and academic performance. Students from the wealthiest quarter of the population scored an average of 82 points higher in mathematics than students from the least affluent quarter. Socioeconomic status accounted for about 16% of the differences in math scores.
However, experts say these figures should not be interpreted as suggesting that a family’s income predetermines a child’s future. About 10% of students from socioeconomically disadvantaged families in Moldova were among the top 25% of the country’s most successful students. In other words, financial circumstances create additional risks and limitations, but they do not determine a child’s individual fate.
Nevertheless, for families, the start of the school year can also bring financial concerns: school uniforms, transportation, meals, extracurricular clubs, supplementary classes, electronic devices, and school supplies. The more of these challenges parents face, the higher the likelihood that their own anxiety will be passed on to their child.
The Role of the Teacher
If a parent creates a safe foundation for the child at home, then the teacher effectively becomes the key adult within the new environment. This is especially noticeable in first grade. For the first time, the child spends an extended period away from their parents in a space with new rules, responsibilities, and a social hierarchy.
According to Tatiana Kozman, the teacher is responsible for more than just the academic aspect of the process. The teacher’s role in a child’s adjustment to school is quite significant because the teacher spends time with the child and the other children in the classroom. The teacher is the adult who oversees not only the academic aspects but also the sociopsychological—that is, the emotional and behavioral—aspects of the children’s lives. Therefore, a teacher’s reaction to a child’s tears, withdrawal, aggression, or refusal to participate in class can either ease the adjustment process or, conversely, increase tension.
The first rule suggested by the psychologist is not to interpret problematic behavior as a deliberate violation. Kozman cites an example from her own practice. Some details have been redacted to comply with confidentiality rules.
“A first-grader cried profusely every morning for two weeks; he wanted his mom and refused to enter the classroom under any circumstances. His mother wasn’t on school grounds; she left the child with the teacher. At first, he held back, but then he cried. He could cry like this all day long. After we worked with him—and with the teacher as well—it turned out that his underlying need, that is, what was behind this behavior, was a loss of attachment. So the teacher and I agreed that he would build a new bond with this child. How? The teacher tried to be there for him. He wrote to him every evening—or rather, through his mom, he’d send messages like “good night,” “sweet dreams,” and “I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow.” Later, when the child began to show signs of longing for his adult—for his mother—the teacher would give him small gifts, such as stickers, and other small items that he would clasp in his hands. They would clasp them together in their palms. As he gave them the gifts, the teacher explained that this was a special bond between them, and that when the child was feeling very bad during the day or could no longer handle the stress, he could touch the object and remember—know—that the teacher was nearby. The teacher is nearby, and their connection is maintained. This is one example of how a teacher can influence a situation,” said Tatiana Kozman.
This is not a one-size-fits-all solution, nor does it mean that every anxious child needs gifts or special rituals. What’s important is the principle itself: not to suppress an emotional reaction, but to identify the underlying need and offer the child a safe way to meet it.
Irina Dvornina emphasizes another important pedagogical principle: a teacher should evaluate the results of the child’s work, not the child’s personality.
“The teacher’s role in a child’s adaptation to school is enormous. In theory, it is the teacher who creates a safe atmosphere and helps students—especially in 1st, 5th, and 10th grades—accept their new peer group and the rules. Essentially, one of the teacher’s most important tasks is to instill in children an interest in learning and cognitive activities and to help them build relationships with those around them. “The most important rule in education is this: do not judge the student as a person, but only their preparation for the topic or lesson,” says Irina Dvornina.
A second important rule is not to compare a child with other students or compare their performance. Collaboration among the teacher, school psychologist, and parent is very beneficial.
This approach is especially important for children who already struggle with self-doubt. The phrase “you’re not well-prepared for the lesson” refers to a specific situation that can be changed. The phrase “you’re lazy,” on the other hand, becomes a judgment of character that the child may begin to perceive as part of their own identity.
Therefore, effective adaptation is not built around the constant demand to “be more confident,” but rather around creating conditions in which the child gradually does indeed become more confident.
Tatiana Kozman
What can parents and teachers do together?
According to Tatiana Kozman, the key to adaptation is consistency among adults. In fact, this idea is shared by most child and adolescent psychologists. It is much easier for a child to get through a difficult period if, at home and at school, they are faced not with conflicting demands but with clear and predictable rules. Parents can ensure a stable routine for sleep, rest, and activity. Teachers can provide a predictable structure for the school day and an emotionally safe atmosphere in the classroom.
At the same time, it is important for adults not to dismiss a child’s feelings:
“Parents, if they can create a calm atmosphere—a calm emotional atmosphere within the family—an atmosphere of communication, acceptance, and honesty, acknowledging that ‘well, things are tough for everyone right now’—this will be a huge help in their child’s adjustment.”
The psychologist suggests using phrases that acknowledge the emotion instead of saying “Why are you crying?”, “There’s nothing to cry about here!”, or “There’s no reason to be angry.” You can say: “I can see you’re anxious,” “This is hard for you right now,” “You’re angry,” or “You’re upset.” This doesn’t mean the adult agrees with any of the child’s behavior. They acknowledge the child’s emotional state and only then help them find a way to cope with it.
Child psychologist Tatiana Kozman: “If a child has an episodic emotional reaction—that is, if they’ve been very frightened or have reacted with aggression, irritation, and so on—you must first understand what’s behind it, second, to provide support, and third, to offer strategies or ways out of the situation. When it comes to new students adapting to the classroom—which is also a new phase in their lives—teachers should get to know the child better, understand their needs and desires… What kinds of needs do children have? The main ones are the need for attention, the need for attachment, and the need for self-efficacy.”
If serious problems with sleep and eating persist throughout the first few weeks, and recurring physical complaints appear—such as headaches or stomachaches— —or if there is a sudden change in behavior, the child consistently refuses to go to school, or is unable to participate in regular activities—this is a reason to take a closer look at the situation and, if necessary, consult a specialist.
Here, the principle Dvornina emphasizes is important: do not look for someone to blame.
“In practice, different situations arise. Sometimes a student is referred to a psychologist in private practice because the difficulties and challenges go beyond the scope of the school setting. And in some situations, I’ve helped the child build a relationship with the school and other children by working with the administration, the school psychologist, the parent, and the student themselves. The main thing is not to blame any of the parties.”
The first weeks of September require time, predictability, and patience. It’s important for a child to know that they can make mistakes, feel anxious, or not understand something—and still be loved and accepted.”
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